​Letter 24:
Dear Elaine de Kooning

Dear Elaine de Kooning,

You were secondary to Bill. I didn’t want to be secondary. I was too insecure for that role. I also sacrificed motherhood for a life of painting. This was our choice. I decided to watch my younger sisters have children not knowing whether I would be a good aunt to them: Sarah Goodman. Evan Vaczy. Julia Vaczy. James Goodman. Eliot Cary. Caroline Vaczy. Cameron Sands. Grace Sands. I never wanted my painting to be less important than the needs of people. I felt I was answering needs through creation of serious work. I didn’t want my painting to be secondary to my husband or children. I wanted it to be primary. Yet I wasn’t painting solely for myself. I felt I was contributing to the world through my visual eye and my passion. I liked my time somewhat. I disliked much about time, thinking that celebrities and athletes took precedence over the artists or poets, farmers or the seemingly insignificant person. I knew I was creating works that I believed were needed by society for its emotional and psychological welfare. I believed that painting soothed and queried, confirmed and questioned. I thought that my creativity was a serious and spiritual activity, no matter how bodily or organic my imagery. I felt that art centered one’s being, enabling one to lead an emotionally and aesthetically profound and healthy life. And ironically when I did finally become involved in a relationship, where I wasn’t as successful as my husband, my work, both in the studio and in the museum, expanded greatly and developed great impact and difficulty. I was intellectually challenged. My aptitude at writing and thinking increased. But we wouldn’t have children, only our professions and our passions.

Alison Weld